The Pool Boy Gets A Day Off
It was the late afternoon and the lawn furniture and pool chairs cast long shadows on the patio. The yard was suburban. There was a pinwheel shaped like a sunflower in the garden with water spots on it. A baseball bat was lying near the edge of the swimming pool, looking plain next to the brightly colored pool toys floating in the water. Earl stood about three feet back from the edge, a red cooler filled with ice and a six-pack of Keystone Lights next to him. As the sun began to dip down, he looped his thumb under his belt and took a sip of beer.
At the sound of the sliding glass door opening and closing, followed by the thud of cowboy boots, Earl scratched the back of his head and said "That you, Ted?"
"Yeah. Marlene let me in. Those cookies she was baking smelled great."
"Yup. She makes some damn good cookies. You want a beer Ted?"
"Sure thing." he replied, walking up next to Earl, the cooler between them.
"So Earl, what is it you wanted me to see so bad you got me to drag my butt over here on a Tuesday afternoon?"
"There's a shark in my pool."
Ted looked down into the water and, just as Earl had said, there was indeed a shark in the swimming pool. It was swimming in circles underneath the shadow cast by the diving board. The scales as it passed in the fading sunlight glinted like aluminum pop tops, the smooth body curving in the water. It was seven feet long, pointed at the tip like sewing needle, and dark oblong spots lined the upper half of its body. The coiled muscles rolled with every turn as its tail moved back and forth. Ted stood there for a moment perplexed, his brow creased while Earl just continued to sip on the cold beer in his hand. For a moment, the only sound was the glass wind chime hanging from the eave of the house, and water gently lapping the pool in small waves as the shark moved in circles near the white cement edge of the pool.
Finally, Ted spoke up and said, "Is it real?"
“It's real. Real enough that Jeremy threw a steak in the pool, one of the good ones Marlene bought today mind you, to see if it'd eat it or not. The neighbor’s dog got so excited that it jumped in after the meat. It was a mess."
"Oh. That explains why I didn't hear Bull barking his head off when I came up the driveway."
"Yeah it's a damn shame,” Earl said, allowing himself a small grin. “You should’ve seen the look on Mrs. Cooper’s face as the dog leapt over the chain link fence."
The two men stood there for a few more minutes in silence as the shark swam in circles in the deep end as if hunting the inner tube floating anxiously on the surface. Ted grabbed two more cans out of the cooler and, tossing one of them to Earl, and said, "I think it's a tiger shark."
"You'd be right. Saw a special about them on the Animal Planet. Apparently they can be right mean. Bite you if they have half a mind to."
"I thought sharks and the like couldn't live in chlorine."
"'Fraid this one can."
Ted reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a pack of Marlboros. He took two of the cigarettes out of the box and handed one to Earl. As they lit up, there was a quiet splash followed by a hissing sound.
"Well, that son of a bitch just got his jaws on my inner tube."
"Yes, he does Earl. Look at those teeth! Hate to get chomped by those suckers like your inner tube there."
"You better believe it. And look, he's got little rows of 'em all lined up like the edges of a hacksaw."
Ted dropped his cigarette and crushed it under the toe of his cowboy boot and watched as the plastic remains of the inner tube began to sink to the bottom of the pool. The shark just kept swimming.
"So, you gonna keep it or what? Make some soup out of it?"
"Naw. You know Marlene isn't into that Asian cooking stuff. Hell, she won't even eat out at the Red Dragon on 3rd. I gave Dale a call down at the pest control. After he stopped pissin' himself from laughing so hard he said he'd make some calls and someone would be by tomorrow to take care of it."
The two men stood there for a moment longer watching the shark move through the water like quicksilver, the scales giving off a final glare as the sun dropped below the horizon. Earl spat unconsciously on to the lawn behind him.
"I gotta call the pool boy before it gets too late. Tell him he has the day off tomorrow. I'd invite you to dinner Ted but the extra steak got used up feeding that shark."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Marlene grills a mean steak, Earl."
"That she does.”
Julie Dumps Jared
The kettle whistles and clucks with a tinny ping on the stovetop, the blue flames licking around the blackened chrome ring of its base. Jared walks over and turns the black knob down, grabs a rag, and the kettle slips from a shrill yell to silence. He pours the boiling water into a putty-colored mug and steam rises from its mouth. He stirs four spoons of sugar into tea and blows over the rim of the mug, the steam escaping and dissipating away from his face. Through the open window of the kitchen the birds were enervated, chirping away madly and enjoying the spring warmth that had finally blossomed.
He stands in the kitchen with the mug cupped in both hands. He is wearing blue slippers, and his white ankles are exposed and covered in coarse black hairs. He is still in his checkered bathrobe even though it is 3:00 in the afternoon, and it hangs loosely around his thin waist, the robe’s tie cinched loosely in a square knot. His face is unshaven, the five o’clock shadow carpeting his prominent chin line and around the light pink of his lips. He has a wild cowlick on the back left side of his thin brown hair, spidering up and out in a crest away from his skull. Taking his first sip of the tea, he walks back to the living room and carefully sits down on the couch, sinking into the crevice of the cushions.
There is the sound of a key clacking in the entrance to the apartment and the deadbolt slides into the door. Julie walks in and sets her purse on the table near the door and, pausing to hook a finger in the back strap of her stilettos, slides the black shoes off. She has a large white shopping bag clutched in the hand she is using to brace herself against the wall. She is thin and pretty, despite her large feet. Her red hair is straightened and hangs in a shiny curtain around her well-proportioned face. She wears little makeup, and light freckles spot her nose and elegant cheekbones.
“Hey Jules, you’re home early,” says Jared, sitting up and setting down the half-emptied mug of tea.
Julie says nothing and she isn’t smiling. She looks at Jared and then moves towards the bedroom, the shopping bag swaying back and forth with every barefoot step across the living room. She disappears into the bedroom and, opening the folding doors to their closet, pulls out a large, clunky suitcase. Jared gets up from the sofa with a worried look.
“What’s with the suitcase, Jules? Are you going to visit your family or something?”
Julie presses to steel buttons and the toothy latches flip open with a loud clack. She sighs and leans on the suitcase, her red hair cascading down and hiding her face.
“No, Jared, I’m not going to visit my family. I’m leaving you.”
Julie begins emptying the drawers of her dresser, stuffing clothes haphazardly into the suitcase, bra cups crumpling and pressed into a corner. Jared stands stock still, cow-eyed, his mouth hanging open in shock. He is still too stunned to speak or move as Julie violently shuts the suitcase and fastens the clasps as quickly as her thin fingers can. Jared finally snaps back into consciousness and begins to stammer.
“Jules… please… you’re joking right? We’ve been living together for three years! I love you, you can’t be leaving!”
“I’ve met someone Jared. His name is Robert. He’s coming to pick me up soon.”
Jared is reduced to silence again as a knock comes from the door.
“That’s him now.”
Julie walks to the door and opens it and standing in the threshold is a clown. A large blue wig balloons out in wiry curls from his head. His face is covered in white makeup, a black tear painted just below his right eye. His jumpsuit is yellow with black and blue checkers patterned all over it, ending in frilly cuffs around the neck, ankles, and wrists like cupcake wrappers. His shoes are large and red, like squashed bell peppers, the yellow laces neatly tied. Jared just looks at him.
“You ready to go, babe? We’ve got a show in a couple hours.”
“I just need to get ready, can you wait a bit? I’m still finishing things with Jared here.”
Julie returns to the bedroom and strips down to her underwear. She reaches into the shopping bag and pulls out a large baggy jumpsuit patterned in blue and red polka dots, ending in frilled cuffs like Robert’s. After putting it on and zipping up the large zipper on the front, she ties her mass of red hair back into a tight bun that presses to her head. She takes a makeup case out from the shopping bag and, white-tipped sponge in hand, begins dabbing makeup under her eyes. She paints her cheekbones in small touches, covering the freckles.
“Jared, this just hasn’t been working. You’re still in your bathrobe for Christ’s sake. We’ve grown apart. I need something new.”
Jared steps back and flops onto the couch, his expression numb and blank. He begins to cry, and Robert begins examining the doorframe in embarrassment.
“But… but Jules… this is so sudden. I mean, three years. What am I supposed to do?” he says between sobs, his robe falling open revealing his undefined upper body and striped boxers.
Julie finishes applying the white makeup, her face blank and stark against the red of her hair. She takes a small paintbrush and paints a bright yellow star onto her right cheek. Her fingers move delicately up and down, her wrist perfectly still.
“See, that’s another thing. You haven’t listened to me. I’ve told you a hundred times that I hate being called 'Jules'. My name is Julie.”
She finishes painting the yellow star, and puts the paintbrush and makeup case back into the shopping bag. She takes a poofy canary yellow wig out from the bag and carefully places it on her head, covering her red hair.
“You need to do something with your life Jared. Everything has just been so stagnant. High heels, black pantsuits, spaghetti every Thursday for dinner, and you always in that damn checkered bathrobe. I don’t care if you work out of home, but you could have at least tried shaving and dressing up for me once in awhile.”
She takes a novelty bowtie out from the bag the size of a placemat and fastens it around her neck. She then sits on the bed and ties a pair of enormous red shoes identical to Robert’s around her feet, carefully lacing them as if working a sewing needle. Julie stands and as she takes a few steps towards the door the shoes making an awful honking noise.
“I mean, look at you, Jared. How could I ever take you seriously?”
Robert picks up Julie’s suitcase and says, “If you’re ready, we can leave.”
Julie looks at Jared as he remains sitting on the sofa, eyes red with sobbing and says, “Goodbye, Jared. It was fun.”
The honking sounds of Julie and Robert’s shoes grow distant as they move down the hallway into the parking lot. Jared stands up and moves to the doorway, not bothering to try and close his bathrobe, and stares at Julie as she climbs into the passenger side of a garishly painted van. “Robert-O!” is painted in glaring apple red, surrounded by polka dots of every color above a phone number. He cries quietly and wipes his face as the van drives off, Julie’s yellow wig shaking in the wind blowing through the open window of the van.
It was the late afternoon and the lawn furniture and pool chairs cast long shadows on the patio. The yard was suburban. There was a pinwheel shaped like a sunflower in the garden with water spots on it. A baseball bat was lying near the edge of the swimming pool, looking plain next to the brightly colored pool toys floating in the water. Earl stood about three feet back from the edge, a red cooler filled with ice and a six-pack of Keystone Lights next to him. As the sun began to dip down, he looped his thumb under his belt and took a sip of beer.
At the sound of the sliding glass door opening and closing, followed by the thud of cowboy boots, Earl scratched the back of his head and said "That you, Ted?"
"Yeah. Marlene let me in. Those cookies she was baking smelled great."
"Yup. She makes some damn good cookies. You want a beer Ted?"
"Sure thing." he replied, walking up next to Earl, the cooler between them.
"So Earl, what is it you wanted me to see so bad you got me to drag my butt over here on a Tuesday afternoon?"
"There's a shark in my pool."
Ted looked down into the water and, just as Earl had said, there was indeed a shark in the swimming pool. It was swimming in circles underneath the shadow cast by the diving board. The scales as it passed in the fading sunlight glinted like aluminum pop tops, the smooth body curving in the water. It was seven feet long, pointed at the tip like sewing needle, and dark oblong spots lined the upper half of its body. The coiled muscles rolled with every turn as its tail moved back and forth. Ted stood there for a moment perplexed, his brow creased while Earl just continued to sip on the cold beer in his hand. For a moment, the only sound was the glass wind chime hanging from the eave of the house, and water gently lapping the pool in small waves as the shark moved in circles near the white cement edge of the pool.
Finally, Ted spoke up and said, "Is it real?"
“It's real. Real enough that Jeremy threw a steak in the pool, one of the good ones Marlene bought today mind you, to see if it'd eat it or not. The neighbor’s dog got so excited that it jumped in after the meat. It was a mess."
"Oh. That explains why I didn't hear Bull barking his head off when I came up the driveway."
"Yeah it's a damn shame,” Earl said, allowing himself a small grin. “You should’ve seen the look on Mrs. Cooper’s face as the dog leapt over the chain link fence."
The two men stood there for a few more minutes in silence as the shark swam in circles in the deep end as if hunting the inner tube floating anxiously on the surface. Ted grabbed two more cans out of the cooler and, tossing one of them to Earl, and said, "I think it's a tiger shark."
"You'd be right. Saw a special about them on the Animal Planet. Apparently they can be right mean. Bite you if they have half a mind to."
"I thought sharks and the like couldn't live in chlorine."
"'Fraid this one can."
Ted reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a pack of Marlboros. He took two of the cigarettes out of the box and handed one to Earl. As they lit up, there was a quiet splash followed by a hissing sound.
"Well, that son of a bitch just got his jaws on my inner tube."
"Yes, he does Earl. Look at those teeth! Hate to get chomped by those suckers like your inner tube there."
"You better believe it. And look, he's got little rows of 'em all lined up like the edges of a hacksaw."
Ted dropped his cigarette and crushed it under the toe of his cowboy boot and watched as the plastic remains of the inner tube began to sink to the bottom of the pool. The shark just kept swimming.
"So, you gonna keep it or what? Make some soup out of it?"
"Naw. You know Marlene isn't into that Asian cooking stuff. Hell, she won't even eat out at the Red Dragon on 3rd. I gave Dale a call down at the pest control. After he stopped pissin' himself from laughing so hard he said he'd make some calls and someone would be by tomorrow to take care of it."
The two men stood there for a moment longer watching the shark move through the water like quicksilver, the scales giving off a final glare as the sun dropped below the horizon. Earl spat unconsciously on to the lawn behind him.
"I gotta call the pool boy before it gets too late. Tell him he has the day off tomorrow. I'd invite you to dinner Ted but the extra steak got used up feeding that shark."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Marlene grills a mean steak, Earl."
"That she does.”
Julie Dumps Jared
The kettle whistles and clucks with a tinny ping on the stovetop, the blue flames licking around the blackened chrome ring of its base. Jared walks over and turns the black knob down, grabs a rag, and the kettle slips from a shrill yell to silence. He pours the boiling water into a putty-colored mug and steam rises from its mouth. He stirs four spoons of sugar into tea and blows over the rim of the mug, the steam escaping and dissipating away from his face. Through the open window of the kitchen the birds were enervated, chirping away madly and enjoying the spring warmth that had finally blossomed.
He stands in the kitchen with the mug cupped in both hands. He is wearing blue slippers, and his white ankles are exposed and covered in coarse black hairs. He is still in his checkered bathrobe even though it is 3:00 in the afternoon, and it hangs loosely around his thin waist, the robe’s tie cinched loosely in a square knot. His face is unshaven, the five o’clock shadow carpeting his prominent chin line and around the light pink of his lips. He has a wild cowlick on the back left side of his thin brown hair, spidering up and out in a crest away from his skull. Taking his first sip of the tea, he walks back to the living room and carefully sits down on the couch, sinking into the crevice of the cushions.
There is the sound of a key clacking in the entrance to the apartment and the deadbolt slides into the door. Julie walks in and sets her purse on the table near the door and, pausing to hook a finger in the back strap of her stilettos, slides the black shoes off. She has a large white shopping bag clutched in the hand she is using to brace herself against the wall. She is thin and pretty, despite her large feet. Her red hair is straightened and hangs in a shiny curtain around her well-proportioned face. She wears little makeup, and light freckles spot her nose and elegant cheekbones.
“Hey Jules, you’re home early,” says Jared, sitting up and setting down the half-emptied mug of tea.
Julie says nothing and she isn’t smiling. She looks at Jared and then moves towards the bedroom, the shopping bag swaying back and forth with every barefoot step across the living room. She disappears into the bedroom and, opening the folding doors to their closet, pulls out a large, clunky suitcase. Jared gets up from the sofa with a worried look.
“What’s with the suitcase, Jules? Are you going to visit your family or something?”
Julie presses to steel buttons and the toothy latches flip open with a loud clack. She sighs and leans on the suitcase, her red hair cascading down and hiding her face.
“No, Jared, I’m not going to visit my family. I’m leaving you.”
Julie begins emptying the drawers of her dresser, stuffing clothes haphazardly into the suitcase, bra cups crumpling and pressed into a corner. Jared stands stock still, cow-eyed, his mouth hanging open in shock. He is still too stunned to speak or move as Julie violently shuts the suitcase and fastens the clasps as quickly as her thin fingers can. Jared finally snaps back into consciousness and begins to stammer.
“Jules… please… you’re joking right? We’ve been living together for three years! I love you, you can’t be leaving!”
“I’ve met someone Jared. His name is Robert. He’s coming to pick me up soon.”
Jared is reduced to silence again as a knock comes from the door.
“That’s him now.”
Julie walks to the door and opens it and standing in the threshold is a clown. A large blue wig balloons out in wiry curls from his head. His face is covered in white makeup, a black tear painted just below his right eye. His jumpsuit is yellow with black and blue checkers patterned all over it, ending in frilly cuffs around the neck, ankles, and wrists like cupcake wrappers. His shoes are large and red, like squashed bell peppers, the yellow laces neatly tied. Jared just looks at him.
“You ready to go, babe? We’ve got a show in a couple hours.”
“I just need to get ready, can you wait a bit? I’m still finishing things with Jared here.”
Julie returns to the bedroom and strips down to her underwear. She reaches into the shopping bag and pulls out a large baggy jumpsuit patterned in blue and red polka dots, ending in frilled cuffs like Robert’s. After putting it on and zipping up the large zipper on the front, she ties her mass of red hair back into a tight bun that presses to her head. She takes a makeup case out from the shopping bag and, white-tipped sponge in hand, begins dabbing makeup under her eyes. She paints her cheekbones in small touches, covering the freckles.
“Jared, this just hasn’t been working. You’re still in your bathrobe for Christ’s sake. We’ve grown apart. I need something new.”
Jared steps back and flops onto the couch, his expression numb and blank. He begins to cry, and Robert begins examining the doorframe in embarrassment.
“But… but Jules… this is so sudden. I mean, three years. What am I supposed to do?” he says between sobs, his robe falling open revealing his undefined upper body and striped boxers.
Julie finishes applying the white makeup, her face blank and stark against the red of her hair. She takes a small paintbrush and paints a bright yellow star onto her right cheek. Her fingers move delicately up and down, her wrist perfectly still.
“See, that’s another thing. You haven’t listened to me. I’ve told you a hundred times that I hate being called 'Jules'. My name is Julie.”
She finishes painting the yellow star, and puts the paintbrush and makeup case back into the shopping bag. She takes a poofy canary yellow wig out from the bag and carefully places it on her head, covering her red hair.
“You need to do something with your life Jared. Everything has just been so stagnant. High heels, black pantsuits, spaghetti every Thursday for dinner, and you always in that damn checkered bathrobe. I don’t care if you work out of home, but you could have at least tried shaving and dressing up for me once in awhile.”
She takes a novelty bowtie out from the bag the size of a placemat and fastens it around her neck. She then sits on the bed and ties a pair of enormous red shoes identical to Robert’s around her feet, carefully lacing them as if working a sewing needle. Julie stands and as she takes a few steps towards the door the shoes making an awful honking noise.
“I mean, look at you, Jared. How could I ever take you seriously?”
Robert picks up Julie’s suitcase and says, “If you’re ready, we can leave.”
Julie looks at Jared as he remains sitting on the sofa, eyes red with sobbing and says, “Goodbye, Jared. It was fun.”
The honking sounds of Julie and Robert’s shoes grow distant as they move down the hallway into the parking lot. Jared stands up and moves to the doorway, not bothering to try and close his bathrobe, and stares at Julie as she climbs into the passenger side of a garishly painted van. “Robert-O!” is painted in glaring apple red, surrounded by polka dots of every color above a phone number. He cries quietly and wipes his face as the van drives off, Julie’s yellow wig shaking in the wind blowing through the open window of the van.
