She cheats on me, although she doesnʼt cheat on me.

Itʼs the way she looks at other men, talks with them, interacts. She tells me itʼs
innocent, playful, friendships. I know better. Yet I say nothing. Sheʼs young. 24. She
doesnʼt recognize how her actions affect others. Yet I say nothing.

To some degree I can see her trying to hurt me, make me pay attention, testing my
resolve? Is it working?

The other day she told me she had been corresponding with one of her ex-lovers.
“Itʼs purely platonic. Weʼre friends.”
Then she made the mistake of reading one of his text messages, skipping over a part,
and alluding to the skipping.
“This part was inappropriate. I wonʼt read it.”
I looked at her. From my look she knew that part was the part I most wanted to hear.
“Itʼs nothing really.”
Now I knew I had to hear it.
She read, “That last story you sent me made the erection grow beneath my jeans. I may
touch myself while thinking about you.”
Now I knew she had slept with him even though she denied it.
“Ok, we didnʼt sleep together, but we did other things. I was on my period.”
At the minimum she had given him head.
“But weʼre friends now. He lives in another state.”
For some reason she didnʼt want to admit he still wanted to sleep with her. There was a
lie in there somewhere, I just couldnʼt figure out what it was.

She brought up my ex, she brought up past arguments, she brought up my track record;
all trying to smoke screen what was really going on. She wanted to kiss me. She
wanted to parade around naked. She wanted to go to sleep.

I sat in bed quiet.

Quietly thinking, What have I got myself involved in?