“I love that moment when you make eye contact with a dog and he slyly smiles and nods to let you know he’s secretly a tiny man in a dog suit” -@heymikehenry
Wow. Deep. That’s what I love about Twitter.
“Why do you tweet? Your homepage just looks like a bunch of strangers typing the first thing that comes to their mind,” Josh groans as he peers over my shoulder to get a better glimpse of my Twitter. “You hated the chicken Alfredo in the caf today? And you think this is worthy of announcing to the world?” A look of disgust creeps over his face.
Josh is jealous that I have this social outlet that doesn’t involve him. I don’t want to argue so I say, “You don’t have a Twitter. You just don’t understand. Twitter is almost therapeutic. It’s a place where I can empty my thoughts freely as they enter my stream of consciousness.”
This sounds nauseating. I wish Josh tweeted. It would have sounded profound as a tweet.
People seem to either become obsessed with Twitter or they disregard Tweeting completely. Jack Dorsey created this social networking site six years ago, but people failed to appreciate Twitter until much more recently –when smart phones became a necessity, when celebrities started tweeting their every emotion, and especially when Oprah tweeted on-air in 2009 –resulting in a 43% increase in Twitter users.
But why did Facebook gain so much more popularity than Twitter? As of September 2011, Facebook had roughly 800 million users, while in that same year Twitter only had about 175 million users. Ask anybody between the ages of ten and sixty and they can probably tell you with confidence, “Who created Facebook? Mark Zuckerberg, of course,” and then continue to elaborate in detail about the sob story of how Zuckerberg stole the idea from his classmates and ripped off his best friend. But hardly anybody knows who created Twitter. Dorsey’s less than scandalous life and introverted tendencies kept him out of the limelight, which contributed to Twitter’s snail-like climb up the social networking popularity scale. Vanity Fair refers to Dorsey as a “purist” who has “one of the lowest profiles in tech.” The way taxi drivers briefly exchange information over the radio fascinated Dorsey so he suggested that Odeo (the software company where he worked) create a service that would allow anybody to write a couple lines about themselves on a smart phone and then send the message to whoever wanted to receive it, thus creating Twitter.
“I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be” -@yoyoha
When Twitter was first created, many considered the site to be nothing more than a tool for the self-centered masses to broadcast every trivial detail of their lives to the universe, but once celebrities began downloading the Twitter App on their iPhones and tweeting every trivial detail of their lives, Twitter became important.
Twitter allows anybody to gain a sneak-peek into the lives of the rich and famous. Unlike Facebook, unless a Twitter account is privatized, anybody can follow whomever he or she likes. How many people do I know who are friends with Rihanna on Facebook? Zero, but how many friends of mine follow her on Twitter? Probably twenty, at least.
“Did you hear? Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced!” my roommate shrieked as she ran into my room last fall.
“Really? How do you know?”
“Katy just tweeted it! Her followers were the first to find out!” she responded smugly, as if being one of Katy’s 16,404,498 followers meant that she and the celebrity were clearly bosom buddies.
Reading tweets by celebs makes them seem more human, more like us. “George Clooney is eating a mushroom pizza? I’ve eaten a mushroom pizza!” We establish connections, though not necessarily the most meaningful connections. Quality isn’t important. It’s quantity. We want to feel connected to everyone, and feeling connected to the rich and famous certainly boosts our own morale, even if these celebs have no idea who we are. And, obviously, the celebrities like to boast about their incredibly large number of followers, so it must do something for them also.
“In the gym” -@justinbieber
Bieber’s profound statement resulted in more than 500 favorites and re-tweets. And his 18,731,712 followers long to hear tweets just like that --they want to know what he does every second of every day. If only Bieber could have provided more detail in that tweet, his followers sigh to themselves. Which machine was he using at the gym? How many pounds of weights was he lifting? More imagery, please, Bieber! Since that many people on Twitter want to know about Justin’s life, surely someone will want to know about mine.
“Psychic said I’d meet my husband in March, so goodbye forever, you guys” - @MrsRupertPupkin
Who needs the awkwardness of face-to-face speed dating when you can sit comfortably in your plush office desk chair and find a soul mate with the click of a mouse? The world of Twitter is an arena of endless romantic possibilities.
During Valentine’s Day 2009, hundreds of singles attended “Flitter” parties across Canada where the guests each wore a number and “flittered” on their iPhones and Blackberries in an attempt to catch the attention of other tweeters who were attending the event. “Flitterers” discovered love via the hashtag #twittercrush, where they tweeted sweet nothings about the person they found the most alluring, hoping to receive an affirmative response attached to the same hashtag. Even though they were in the same room, the “flitterers” preferred to communicate with the other singles through the safety of their LED screens.
Twitter has shown us how to refrain from human contact for as long as possible. Why pay for a therapist when you can tweet your complicated mess of emotions for free? Why go out and search for a partner when you can stay at home, create an online identity, and let your Twitter account lead you to true love? And all in 140 characters or less!
“There’s something oddly therapeutic about tweeting a tweet with exactly 140 characters” – Josh, two months after his Twitter conversion.
About one month after criticizing me for my addiction, Josh converted to Twitter. The power of Twitter is too strong for even a past non-believer to withstand. Obsessive Compulsive Twitter Disorder is sweeping the nation. Do you have a neurotic desire to stay within a three-foot radius of any device connected to Twitter? Do you throw a mad fit of rage when anybody disturbs you mid-update? Rest assured, scientists are working on a cure to this neurological disorder. When the cure is found the results will be tweeted.
My own case of OCTD has definitely taken its toll. I get a thought. I tweet. Twitter really is a weird form of therapeutic thought cleansing. I feel relieved knowing I’ve shared this brilliantly composed tweet filled with unique wisdom to the world --at least to my 200 followers, although unfortunately half of them are Indian spammers and maybe twenty of them are people I honestly know. My true friends feel compelled to give me the needy star or re-tweet so I can feel like my intelligence is appreciated. And, I know, I am expected to reciprocate by re-tweeting and starring their brilliant tweets.
Sometimes I agonize over how my tweet is ignored. I know it has been read, but it isn’t liked. The therapeutic effects backfire. I compulsively check my phone waiting for that affirmation. I struggle to camouflage the failed tweet with something outstanding, hoping I won’t be judged by my previous mindless thought. I want to be viewed as clever and witty, not as a twat. I’ll end up paying a therapist for help if I don’t get immediate positive reinforcement.
“I tweet, therefore I am.”
No one responds. Therefore, I am not.
Twitter has become the wasteland of my thoughts.
“Writers, like cuttlefish, shoot ink to protect themselves” -@TheBosha
We view the world in a Twitter mindset. How can I write the most profound tweet in 140 characters or less? How can I make the mundane marvelous? My head is feeling like a pinball machine, slamming through images and thoughts while calculating word counts. It’s happening so fast it’s maddening.
“Being concerned for one another should spur us to an increasingly effective love. #Lent” -@Pope2YouVatican
Some try to justify their Twitter obsession by claiming that Twitter makes them worldlier. “I follow @DaliLama, @Pope2YouVatican, and get my news from @CNN. There’s nothing wrong with this addiction!” Tweeters feel well rounded by following Huffington Post, Dr. Oz, Oprah, Flixter, Guns and Gardening, and every possible literary organization. In less than 140 characters, they can keep fully abreast of our worldly culture and politics. Anything more than 140 characters and our attention is lost.
If the Pope tweets, you know it can’t possibly be considered a waste of time. 27, 467 people eagerly await his 140 character messages. I suspect those with short attention spans and limited time may enjoy these daily religious encounters. Surely, Tweeting with Pope Benedict counts for a missed church service or confession.
“Compassion is a mental quality that can bring us true lasting inner peace and inner strength” -@DalaiLama
The Dalai Lama, a man who steers clear of all fads and material goods, must carry a smart phone so he can share his brilliant thoughts on whim. Tweeting is a serious business. The Dalai Lama follows nobody but has 3,909,694 followers, which awes the rest of us tweeters who follow six hundred people but only have twenty-eight followers. How did he do it?
Tweets from the Pope and Dalai Lama are words of wisdom. I scroll through my daily tweets; there are hundreds. Most are frivolous. It’s time to improve the quality of my personal tweets. Time to incorporate poetry into a worthwhile tweet. The Dalai Lama and the Pope are probably hoping their reflective tweets will inspire us to become more contemplative.
“Profound enlightenment
spiritual wisdom flutters
tweet delivers all”
Now, surely, the Pope and the Dalai Lama will want to follow me.
Surely.
Wow. Deep. That’s what I love about Twitter.
“Why do you tweet? Your homepage just looks like a bunch of strangers typing the first thing that comes to their mind,” Josh groans as he peers over my shoulder to get a better glimpse of my Twitter. “You hated the chicken Alfredo in the caf today? And you think this is worthy of announcing to the world?” A look of disgust creeps over his face.
Josh is jealous that I have this social outlet that doesn’t involve him. I don’t want to argue so I say, “You don’t have a Twitter. You just don’t understand. Twitter is almost therapeutic. It’s a place where I can empty my thoughts freely as they enter my stream of consciousness.”
This sounds nauseating. I wish Josh tweeted. It would have sounded profound as a tweet.
People seem to either become obsessed with Twitter or they disregard Tweeting completely. Jack Dorsey created this social networking site six years ago, but people failed to appreciate Twitter until much more recently –when smart phones became a necessity, when celebrities started tweeting their every emotion, and especially when Oprah tweeted on-air in 2009 –resulting in a 43% increase in Twitter users.
But why did Facebook gain so much more popularity than Twitter? As of September 2011, Facebook had roughly 800 million users, while in that same year Twitter only had about 175 million users. Ask anybody between the ages of ten and sixty and they can probably tell you with confidence, “Who created Facebook? Mark Zuckerberg, of course,” and then continue to elaborate in detail about the sob story of how Zuckerberg stole the idea from his classmates and ripped off his best friend. But hardly anybody knows who created Twitter. Dorsey’s less than scandalous life and introverted tendencies kept him out of the limelight, which contributed to Twitter’s snail-like climb up the social networking popularity scale. Vanity Fair refers to Dorsey as a “purist” who has “one of the lowest profiles in tech.” The way taxi drivers briefly exchange information over the radio fascinated Dorsey so he suggested that Odeo (the software company where he worked) create a service that would allow anybody to write a couple lines about themselves on a smart phone and then send the message to whoever wanted to receive it, thus creating Twitter.
“I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be” -@yoyoha
When Twitter was first created, many considered the site to be nothing more than a tool for the self-centered masses to broadcast every trivial detail of their lives to the universe, but once celebrities began downloading the Twitter App on their iPhones and tweeting every trivial detail of their lives, Twitter became important.
Twitter allows anybody to gain a sneak-peek into the lives of the rich and famous. Unlike Facebook, unless a Twitter account is privatized, anybody can follow whomever he or she likes. How many people do I know who are friends with Rihanna on Facebook? Zero, but how many friends of mine follow her on Twitter? Probably twenty, at least.
“Did you hear? Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced!” my roommate shrieked as she ran into my room last fall.
“Really? How do you know?”
“Katy just tweeted it! Her followers were the first to find out!” she responded smugly, as if being one of Katy’s 16,404,498 followers meant that she and the celebrity were clearly bosom buddies.
Reading tweets by celebs makes them seem more human, more like us. “George Clooney is eating a mushroom pizza? I’ve eaten a mushroom pizza!” We establish connections, though not necessarily the most meaningful connections. Quality isn’t important. It’s quantity. We want to feel connected to everyone, and feeling connected to the rich and famous certainly boosts our own morale, even if these celebs have no idea who we are. And, obviously, the celebrities like to boast about their incredibly large number of followers, so it must do something for them also.
“In the gym” -@justinbieber
Bieber’s profound statement resulted in more than 500 favorites and re-tweets. And his 18,731,712 followers long to hear tweets just like that --they want to know what he does every second of every day. If only Bieber could have provided more detail in that tweet, his followers sigh to themselves. Which machine was he using at the gym? How many pounds of weights was he lifting? More imagery, please, Bieber! Since that many people on Twitter want to know about Justin’s life, surely someone will want to know about mine.
“Psychic said I’d meet my husband in March, so goodbye forever, you guys” - @MrsRupertPupkin
Who needs the awkwardness of face-to-face speed dating when you can sit comfortably in your plush office desk chair and find a soul mate with the click of a mouse? The world of Twitter is an arena of endless romantic possibilities.
During Valentine’s Day 2009, hundreds of singles attended “Flitter” parties across Canada where the guests each wore a number and “flittered” on their iPhones and Blackberries in an attempt to catch the attention of other tweeters who were attending the event. “Flitterers” discovered love via the hashtag #twittercrush, where they tweeted sweet nothings about the person they found the most alluring, hoping to receive an affirmative response attached to the same hashtag. Even though they were in the same room, the “flitterers” preferred to communicate with the other singles through the safety of their LED screens.
Twitter has shown us how to refrain from human contact for as long as possible. Why pay for a therapist when you can tweet your complicated mess of emotions for free? Why go out and search for a partner when you can stay at home, create an online identity, and let your Twitter account lead you to true love? And all in 140 characters or less!
“There’s something oddly therapeutic about tweeting a tweet with exactly 140 characters” – Josh, two months after his Twitter conversion.
About one month after criticizing me for my addiction, Josh converted to Twitter. The power of Twitter is too strong for even a past non-believer to withstand. Obsessive Compulsive Twitter Disorder is sweeping the nation. Do you have a neurotic desire to stay within a three-foot radius of any device connected to Twitter? Do you throw a mad fit of rage when anybody disturbs you mid-update? Rest assured, scientists are working on a cure to this neurological disorder. When the cure is found the results will be tweeted.
My own case of OCTD has definitely taken its toll. I get a thought. I tweet. Twitter really is a weird form of therapeutic thought cleansing. I feel relieved knowing I’ve shared this brilliantly composed tweet filled with unique wisdom to the world --at least to my 200 followers, although unfortunately half of them are Indian spammers and maybe twenty of them are people I honestly know. My true friends feel compelled to give me the needy star or re-tweet so I can feel like my intelligence is appreciated. And, I know, I am expected to reciprocate by re-tweeting and starring their brilliant tweets.
Sometimes I agonize over how my tweet is ignored. I know it has been read, but it isn’t liked. The therapeutic effects backfire. I compulsively check my phone waiting for that affirmation. I struggle to camouflage the failed tweet with something outstanding, hoping I won’t be judged by my previous mindless thought. I want to be viewed as clever and witty, not as a twat. I’ll end up paying a therapist for help if I don’t get immediate positive reinforcement.
“I tweet, therefore I am.”
No one responds. Therefore, I am not.
Twitter has become the wasteland of my thoughts.
“Writers, like cuttlefish, shoot ink to protect themselves” -@TheBosha
We view the world in a Twitter mindset. How can I write the most profound tweet in 140 characters or less? How can I make the mundane marvelous? My head is feeling like a pinball machine, slamming through images and thoughts while calculating word counts. It’s happening so fast it’s maddening.
“Being concerned for one another should spur us to an increasingly effective love. #Lent” -@Pope2YouVatican
Some try to justify their Twitter obsession by claiming that Twitter makes them worldlier. “I follow @DaliLama, @Pope2YouVatican, and get my news from @CNN. There’s nothing wrong with this addiction!” Tweeters feel well rounded by following Huffington Post, Dr. Oz, Oprah, Flixter, Guns and Gardening, and every possible literary organization. In less than 140 characters, they can keep fully abreast of our worldly culture and politics. Anything more than 140 characters and our attention is lost.
If the Pope tweets, you know it can’t possibly be considered a waste of time. 27, 467 people eagerly await his 140 character messages. I suspect those with short attention spans and limited time may enjoy these daily religious encounters. Surely, Tweeting with Pope Benedict counts for a missed church service or confession.
“Compassion is a mental quality that can bring us true lasting inner peace and inner strength” -@DalaiLama
The Dalai Lama, a man who steers clear of all fads and material goods, must carry a smart phone so he can share his brilliant thoughts on whim. Tweeting is a serious business. The Dalai Lama follows nobody but has 3,909,694 followers, which awes the rest of us tweeters who follow six hundred people but only have twenty-eight followers. How did he do it?
Tweets from the Pope and Dalai Lama are words of wisdom. I scroll through my daily tweets; there are hundreds. Most are frivolous. It’s time to improve the quality of my personal tweets. Time to incorporate poetry into a worthwhile tweet. The Dalai Lama and the Pope are probably hoping their reflective tweets will inspire us to become more contemplative.
“Profound enlightenment
spiritual wisdom flutters
tweet delivers all”
Now, surely, the Pope and the Dalai Lama will want to follow me.
Surely.
