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Mismatch
by Natalie Tinney Jane left her house without locking the front door. She trotted down the driveway carrying her things in her arms, dropping her sunglasses and lip chap before clambering into the front passenger seat of my car. “Phew! Sorry to keep you waiting. Hey, do I look okay?” “Okay” would have been an overstatement. Jane was a walking epidemic. The only redeeming quality about her outfit was the daffodil barrette she placed in her hair to keep it from flying in her face. It matches reasonably well with her bicycle-print dress. “You look… fine” I mumble while Jane is trying to curl her eyelashes with a spoon, checking her reflection every so often in the side-view mirror. I drop her off downtown and tell her to call me when her interview is over. I don’t bother turning off the engine –I already know how this will end. Ten minutes later, she comes back in tears. “This is so unfair!” wailed Jane. “They said I’m just not the right match!” I try my best to hide the fact that I’m not surprised. “Really?! Don’t cry, Jane. Everyone knows those lousy head-hunters always play favourites. Come on, let’s go grab coffee”. We arrive at the café and take a seat at a table for two by the window. I reach into my briefcase and slide this pamphlet across the table in which they’re recruiting volunteers for a One-Way expedition to Mars. She exhales deeply like this is some kind of joke. She doesn’t seem to understand that I’m being serious. Jane needs to pack up her belongings and move to a zero gravity environment if staying alive is part of her future plans. At least that way she will be less likely to choke on her own gum. Jane belongs in a place where the waiters accept tips in chocolate coins. Are restaurants a thing on Mars? I really hope they are, because Jane always insists on pulling out the coffee pot while the machine is still brewing. |
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