Dude! I'm not gonna go back there. Just hold on a second, I'll be right back.
Fuck, I thought you might pick up. Hey, Stacie. This is Dave. You might remember me from that party earlier. I was the guy with the joke about sexy giraffes that you loved and I had the stupid costume. I'm also a lot tipsier than I was. I know that the whole phone number rule is supposed to count. Don't call until, like, three days have passed or some shit. But I want you to know, that I just got out of a long-term commitment and don't want to keep committing. I also love her. Wait, I mean you. I mean, let's sex. Fuck. I'm getting this all wrong.
I actually left the party, just now. It was, like, whatever. You were the only chick in there that was above a six. That doesn't make me shallow, just a dick. Also, I thought it was a costume party and that's basically why I was dressed up like a homeless person. I was supposed to be Pig-Pen from those comic strips... what were they called again? Whatever, I don't care. My head's all tumbly-wumbly. The drinks just kept coming.
Anyway, back to the sex, I am ready to go. Cannon is ready to fire, and all you have to do is call me back. Steve, you know Steve from accounting, tells me that you are a stuck-up whore, but that's exactly what I'm looking for. Oh, I didn't mean that. I was kidding about all that stuff before. I think you are a lovely human being that is only looking for a quickie. Wait, that's me. I'm looking for the quickie. It could be a longer thing, but I wouldn't care. I'm looking for a one-night stand sorta thing.
I'm drunk. That's why I keep getting off track. I think this is the first time in a long while that I actually have gotten this smashed. I haven't thrown up yet, because I'm not that drunk.
Sorry, but I can't think straight. I just want somebody, you know? I'm sick of cuddling with my dog at night. You should meet Tucker, he's a good boy. Fuck, what if I become a dude cat-lady. A dog-lady, shit, I mean a dog-man. But not a mix of the two, like a hybrid thing. I would just collect dogs. Look, I guess I'm calling because you seem like a girl that feels the same as I do. Whatever, I just thought that we had a connection.
What? Yeah, just a second Steve! It's here now?
Our cab is here and I gotta go. The offer still stands and if you want, I can be over at any time. Like, now. Now would be good. Just, call me sometime. I love you. I mean, shit... I'm sorry about that. Bye.
Fuck, I thought you might pick up. Hey, Stacie. This is Dave. You might remember me from that party earlier. I was the guy with the joke about sexy giraffes that you loved and I had the stupid costume. I'm also a lot tipsier than I was. I know that the whole phone number rule is supposed to count. Don't call until, like, three days have passed or some shit. But I want you to know, that I just got out of a long-term commitment and don't want to keep committing. I also love her. Wait, I mean you. I mean, let's sex. Fuck. I'm getting this all wrong.
I actually left the party, just now. It was, like, whatever. You were the only chick in there that was above a six. That doesn't make me shallow, just a dick. Also, I thought it was a costume party and that's basically why I was dressed up like a homeless person. I was supposed to be Pig-Pen from those comic strips... what were they called again? Whatever, I don't care. My head's all tumbly-wumbly. The drinks just kept coming.
Anyway, back to the sex, I am ready to go. Cannon is ready to fire, and all you have to do is call me back. Steve, you know Steve from accounting, tells me that you are a stuck-up whore, but that's exactly what I'm looking for. Oh, I didn't mean that. I was kidding about all that stuff before. I think you are a lovely human being that is only looking for a quickie. Wait, that's me. I'm looking for the quickie. It could be a longer thing, but I wouldn't care. I'm looking for a one-night stand sorta thing.
I'm drunk. That's why I keep getting off track. I think this is the first time in a long while that I actually have gotten this smashed. I haven't thrown up yet, because I'm not that drunk.
Sorry, but I can't think straight. I just want somebody, you know? I'm sick of cuddling with my dog at night. You should meet Tucker, he's a good boy. Fuck, what if I become a dude cat-lady. A dog-lady, shit, I mean a dog-man. But not a mix of the two, like a hybrid thing. I would just collect dogs. Look, I guess I'm calling because you seem like a girl that feels the same as I do. Whatever, I just thought that we had a connection.
What? Yeah, just a second Steve! It's here now?
Our cab is here and I gotta go. The offer still stands and if you want, I can be over at any time. Like, now. Now would be good. Just, call me sometime. I love you. I mean, shit... I'm sorry about that. Bye.
