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The DSM is Not a Cookbook
by Laura Caitlin Davis I am Mad. Crazy. Contrary. Manic. I am Moody. I am arsty-craftsy. Crafty. I am riding a roller coaster. I am the roller coaster. Takin’ You for a Ride. Around the Bend. I am Crazy as a Loon. Mad as a Hatter. I am snapping, yes, I am. At you. Did you know I am easy to anger? Invite me, incite me. Laugh at me, the Doofus. I am doomed. Delirious. Frightful, frightened, I am so afraid. I am Marred. Tainted. Marked. Breaking. I am Cracked. Crackers. Cuckoo. I am a Pitbull. I am bright, cheerful, educated. I am easy to discard. I am impatient. A Patient. My doctor’s favorite Druggie. One little pillie, two little pillie, three little pillie, four. I am Diagnosed. A sprinkle here and I am Bipolar. A dash there, and I am Confused. Am I Bipolar I or II, or am I Bipolar III? I am diagnoses x,y, and z and I am ordered. OCD. I am Misery’s North. I am psychosocial. I am self-critical, Self-Destructive, pitiable. Pitiful. Petty. I am beautiful! Oh my God, I am so ugly! I am an insomniac. I am afraid to wake up. I am exhausted. I cannot wake up. I am lethargic. I am a turtle, afraid to look. Look how neurodiverse I am! I am non compos mentis. A mental services consumer. Disabled. Unemployed. A Shopaholic. I am Chronically Depressed. High as a Kite. I am an addict. An alcoholic. I am psychiatrically disturbed. Call me Funny Different Psycho Bananas. Call me atrocious. I dare you. Call me a Lunatic. I am daft, daffy, dotty, Delirious. Where are my marbles? I am Nutty as a Fruitcake. Out of My Mind, Out of My Head. I am unsound, Of Unsound Mind. Off My Rocker. I am Disturbed. Demented. I am The Devil. I am Reckless, feckless, always making mistakes. I am hideous. I am Emotionally Challenged. Drifting, despairing. I am empty. I am invisible. I committed suicide. I am buried. I am everywhere. I am everyone. I am your Wife, your Mother. Father, Son, and I am the Holy Ghost! Jesus! I say. God! I say. I am ethereal. Mercurial. Maniacal. Impulsive. I am a swimmer. A jumper. An abutment seeker. I drown easily. I am Psychopathic and excitable and secretive. Don’t tell! I have lapsed. I tap My fingers Drum into my skull. Sick of chaos. I am At the Sharp End of a Needle. I am pieces, sections, going in different directions. UP, I go, and I am a rule-breaker talkingtalkingtalking, Let’s Go! Come on! I am jittery, energetic. I am Stark Raving Mad. I am ecstatic. Risky. Risqué. I am a Nymphomaniac. Don’t touch me! I am squirrely and Bat Shit and despairing and I am broken in two and fifty-five and ten and I am That One. Sign says, DOWN, I go again, and I am overwhelmed I am extremely overwhelmed I am excessively overwhelmed. Stigmatized and squandered and scattered and secreted and I am Hospitalized. Electro-shocked, and I am froggy. I said, I am foggy! Soggy, blubbering, blathering, baked, blaming. I am begging … Stop! I-I’m sorry. I am scared. I am insecure. Love me Leave me alone Don’t Go! I am a Self-Injurer, a stick-er, a hang-er. I am an overdoser. I have fallen to pieces. Into pieces. I am shattered and swept and reassembled into your me. Yes, ma’am, I say, Yessireebob! I am distraught. Upset. I am extremely upset I am excessively upset. I hate myself. I might die. I am awash. Of course I’m hopeful! And hopeless and hiding. Under the bed, I am s l e e p i n g. I am a quitter, a giver-upper, a Sicko, Insane. I am Rapid-Cycling. I am a Survivor! I am skipping down your street. Wild and fun. Life of the Party! I am seen! I make a scene. I cross borders. Doctor says, Let’s give it a try. Say it. “I am Borderline Personality Disorder.” I am sentenced. Imprisoned. I am Girl, Interrupted. I am a Cutter. A burner. I binge and purge and pick and bang. I scratch. I claw. I cry Out of Touch. I am brain-sick, Sick in the Head. I am buggy and batty and raging and wretched and Judge me, you. Dissect me, you. Go on now. I am Bizzare. Weird. Queer. Dangerous. Kooky. Screwy. I am Grotesque. Odd. I am Alice-in-Wonderland. Peculiar. I am Fickle. Histrionic. Off. On. On this medication. Off that medication. I am not the DSM I. Do not. fit. Did you know I am afraid? I am Feared. Fearful. Did you know? I am Fucked up, totally. A source of fascination. I am Bonkers, Fruity, Loco. I am Wacko. I am Off My Rocker. I am Just. Plain. Wrong. I am Nutty. I am Not All There. I am BusyBusyBusy. GoGoGo! I am touchy. A tomcat, I am sex-craved, sex-starved. I shall yowl in your general direction. I am afraid of sex. I freak out easily. Get away from me, Go! Don’t. Please don’t go! Get. Out! I am psychiatrized. I am Shuffling. Bounding. Leaping. Falling. Asleep. I am you. I am a psychiatrist. I am your husband, your neighbor, your professor, that soldier. I am a writer, an artist, a creative genius, a bore. I am bored. I am your minister, your senator. I deliver your packages. Come in! Sit down! I am a snake. I am contagious. No, no, no. You can’t catch me. I am noncompliant, Doctor Doolittle, You. Touché. Yes. I am drifting. Gaga. I am a gambler. I am At Odds. I love the smell of gasoline. I sniff. I am Diseased. Disoriented. I am your pet rabbit, such an angel! I am a beetle, upside down and kicking. Train-bait. I am a train wreck. I am riding my very own Bipolar Coaster, alone. I am Omniscient, Omnipresent. Who am I? I am a crazy bitch bastard. Notice me. Know me. See through me. I. Am vulnerable. |
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